New Years Resolutions and Stuff

I forgot about the resolution stuff until today, right before our race started - the last cyclocross race of 2007.

We were lining up at the start and I was standing there behind the A girls and I was thinking about how cyclocross was almost over for the year and how I was wearing my new christmas knee socks and how earlier when I'd put on my new christmas socks at the car, after my measly warm up, one of my kids said to me that I couldn't wear them to race in because I looked like I was too old for them and I thought, screw that and how I put the christmas socks on anyway.

And that led into thinking about how when Jenny and I are at the same race I never get a good warm up in because when we pre-ride the course we go real slow and chat, chat, chat and how nice it was to have her there and how much more fun it is to have her there and it's better to have fun then warm up, maybe.

And then I came to. Because Katrina was standing in front of me fiddling with her gears and not on her bike and the guy with the whistle was suddenly counting down from 15, so I poked her in the butt with my finger a few times.



And then the whistle went off and off we went and I resolved in my resolution mind set to try and get the hole shot for each of the last four races of the season. So I got the B hole shot and it was crazy. And I was riding right behind the A girls and they were going fast. Later, a B racer who was racing behind me wondered what the hell I was doing that for, (the going really fast with the A girls part).



And then little by little towards the end of the first lap I slid back.

And then on the second lap in one of the chicane things a group of three was slowly winding me back to them and making their way to me and one of them said, we're coming to get YOU and pointed her finger at me.



Yikes.

Everything in moderation. That's my resolution for the new year. And start swimming again. And keep up the running and have fun and find a job that I can ride my bike to.



And wear my knee socks some more. And get some more hole shots. And do some intervals and stuff so I'll go faster. And hug my kids more.

And I should probably put in here, have more sex with my husband. Shouldn't I? Maybe even with my knee socks on.



Happy New Year!

Chipmunk Hell

There couldn't be a better way to spend a rainy afternoon then syncing up two ipods and a mac to play the exact same Alvin and the Chipmunk song over and over and over and over again all at the same time on three different sets of speakers.

Over and over and over and over again. Really loud. And over and over again.

I'm going downstairs into the garage to ride the trainer for a couple of hours which is a much less stringent form of torture.

They won't even notice I'm gone.

So, Tell Me About Yourself...

I've been interviewing a little bit.

Just a little bit. One here and one there. I'm practicing. I'm not really looking right now, I'm just practicing. So that I can be really good when the real ones come. So that when I find that magical, perfect job that's only 5 miles from home I'll be interview ready and I'll be polished like the little gem that I am.

Because right now I just want to hang out some more. And ride a lot. And garden with a plumber's crack. And finish the half painted wall in my pajamas that's been half painted since last summer. And eat hot pockets in my shorts with the thermostat on while it's raining while watching dirty jobs on tivo.

So I'm just practicing. But jeez, it's sure taking up a lot of time - this practicing stuff.

Like yesterday. I had to iron a shirt and pants. And I have no ironing board, because who irons anymore. Not I. Just finding the iron took like 10 minutes. And then the ironing took like half an hour. And I did it on the dining room table.

And the filling out of the forms they sent me prior to the interview, so I wouldn't tell any of their secrets. That took like an hour. And they do credit checks nowadays. So I had to do a credit check on myself so that I could feel ok about signing the credit check form. And that took like 40 minutes.

And I was going to go for a bike ride, but figuring out directions to where I was going for the interview took like 20 minutes and by the time I was ready to go for a ride, I would have only had a half hour to shower and get dressed and go.

So I didn't ride. And took a shower instead. And then I even used the blow dryer to dry my hair. And that took like 25 minutes. And then I had to primp up a bit more and make a hair-do that made me look, well, you know, like I cared how I looked.



And you can't wear pink cycling glasses to an interview. So I had to hunt to find my regular glasses. Because without them, I'm blind as a bat.

And then I went and it was a four hour interview with various heads of departments and so forth.

Jesus. It's like a love affair. It's all for fun and practice, but then you get all ready and make this huge effort to get them to like you and you do your hair and you talk about your strengths and weaknesses and why you feel you'd excel in that position and what kind of work environment you like and what you'd do in this and that situation and blah, blah, blah.

And by the time you're done, you're exhausted.



And you've just spent an entire day doing it. And then maybe you start hoping they'll call, even though you don't think you want it because it's too far from home and you want to be able to ride to work and because they all looked at you a little funny when you asked about flexible hours so you can ride your bike.

And then you gotta do it all over again.

Squirrel Club

Lulu and her friends are obsessed with squirrels. Apparently there's an official squirrel club at school. She and three friends started it at lunch one day, while they were watching squirrels.

We're planning on having meetings and stuff, she tells me. The first one will be in January at our house.

Today I let her work on the computer for a little bit since she finished all her homework early. She told me she needed to collect information about squirrels for their squirrel club.

I can hear her squealing as she's looking at pictures. Oh they're so cute, she's exclaiming over and over again.

What's wrong with you? Sam keeps asking.
I'm thinking the same thing.




Momma, come look at this she says.
What I say.
This picture.
They don't know if it's a squirrel or a rat.

What? I say.
Take a look she says.



Where did you find that? I say.
I did a search on squirrel pictures.
Lu, that's not real. they're just being silly.



Chipmunks says Sam.
I don't want pictures of chipmunks, I want squirrels she says.

Chipmunks and squirrels are cousins he says.

I don't care, I only want squirrels.
This is a squirrel club.
Whatever. I'm just trying to help he says.
Your obsession with squirrels is weird he says.

I don't care what you think, she says.

Where did you get this weird music from anyway?
It's squirrel music she says.
They have squirrel music?
Yeah, i found it on the Internet.
Too much banjo he says.
I don't get it he says.

You're not supposed to. It's squirrel music.

It's twangy country music that she found on scarysquirrel.org. A little app is open on the mac and little squirrels are playing banjos and guitars and singing.

Squirrel club meetings in the tree house.
Squirrel fabric
Squirrel club pictures.
Squirrel club note pad.
White board to hang in the den for the squirrel meetings.
Large envelopes for keeping all the squirrel pictures and facts together.

That's the Christmas list I got from her.

Aren't they suposed to like horses at this age?

Shut Yur Pie Hole

On Friday of last week, I turned a corner.

When I was first laid off I decided that I was going to force myself to feel good about it. I was going to joke and laugh and take it in stride and be mature and be alright with it. I wasn't going to let it get me.

Because come on now, how often do you get a good chunk of time off to think about what you want to do with your life when you're 40 and married and busy and have a house payment and have kids who are busy and you have a bike hobby and you're plugging and racing along. Unless, of course, you're forced to by some life event beyond your control that's thrown your way.

And honestly it does feels good, but right now it's also got me sitting in a bad funk. And bitter.

I realized this as I was sitting at a celebration for someone at work on Friday. We were celebrating him being promoted and moving on to the other office.

People were making small talk about christmas and holidays and kids and presents and spending $6000 on laser surgery and the bowling christmas party they'd all attended last week and what not. And someone asked me what my kids wanted for christmas and what I wanted for christmas.

And I turned to her and started to open my mouth to talk and suddenly I had the urge to stand up on the conference table and throw all the sliced Togo's sandwiches at everyone and turn in circles really fast with open coke cans and coke spewing out and yell profanities.

I wasn't feeling very festive at all. So I excused myself without answering and left the room and went back to the studio to work on "transitioning out" some more.

Over the weekend I thought a lot about why I was feeling so depressed and bitter and didn't really come to any kind of epiphany or conclusion.

It's hard to feel good about being laid off right now because even though it's not supposed to be a reflection on me - it sure feels like it is. Being rejected. Like the relationship you knew was over long ago, but still - it sure is depressing and ridiculous when it finally does end.

It's all so ridiculous.

So I spent both days of the weekend doing some long mountain bike rides by myself. I rode and rode and rode wherever I felt like riding at that moment without any time limit. And it helped clear my head and push me forward a bit more. I'm settling nicely into my sarcasm and bitterness now. And I feel good about it.

I'm hoping acceptance comes soon so I can get on with my gardening and back to racing cross.

Transrockies

I'm driving an RV in August up in Canada.

I don't even know how to drive an RV. What if I crash it or something. Do you have to have a special license?

Morgan and his friend Matthias signed up to do the Transrockies in August. They're a team. They're looking for sponsors. If you want to sponsor them, let me know. Maybe I'll put a little donation thing on my blog to collect donations.

Actually, you should donate for my cause. I need money and beer and beef jerky for driving an RV around Canada by myself with two kids in the back. And I'll probably need some sort of better then normal RV insurance. And lots of beer.

This might get expensive.

And so now, the obsession around the house is the Transrockies. Never mind that there's nine months till it starts.

He says there's planning and training to do. That's all good and fine. But really, I'm more worried about me driving an RV. Him I trust. Matthias, I trust. They'll be fine getting from point A to point B. They're strong like ox - farm boy strong. But me driving an RV?

I can't even back the land cruiser up the driveway right. The last time I did it, I tore off the side view mirror on my audi. I didn't know I'd even hit it. All I heard was Morgan yelling at me. And I looked up at the house and he was shaking his head.

So now I park it on the street when I drive it. And I let him re-park it in the driveway.

Morgan and Matthias paid for the middle level registration - where they feed you breakfast and dinner every day and they give you all sorts of snacks to keep you going during the day. And the organizers give you a tent. And they move your stuff for you each day and set up your tent at the finishing point each day.

But we all decided it would be good to go up and rent an RV anyway. So they could sleep in it and take showers in it. And the kids and I can have our own little adventure.

Soon he'll start training.

I wonder if there's an RV driving school where I can take classes or something. Or maybe if I just never back it up I'll be ok.

Reset

Things came to a halt over the weekend and none of us could really motivate enough to get in a car and drive 2 hours at 6am on Sunday for cyclocross racing, so we slept in till 9am instead.

I went for a road ride and boy is my endurance shot. I did what normally takes me about two and half hours or so and it took me a little over three.

Saturday, Lulu and I walked in a parade - the Oakland Christmas parade. Which I'd never even heard of until Lulu's brownie troop mentioned walking in it. I've lived in Oakland and Berkeley for almost 17 years and I'd never heard of it.

And I must say, it was quite grand.

Scraper bikes and all.



And today I spent some time in the garden. Pruned and primped the perennials and cut down some smallish eucalyptus trees and rode my bike and sent off some resumes and picked the kids up from school and took them to tennis lessons and made a nice dinner and even cleaned up the dishes.

Tomorrow morning when I take the kids to school, I'm going to bring the open top mug full of coffee and walk real slow and talk to everyone I see.