Mud and Breakfast

Yesterday was the "official" end of the cross season for us. Although I didn't race. I kinda, shoulda. Once I got there, I realized I'd made a giant mistake in not bringing my bike. Morgan had even suggested bringing it "just in case".



And then we got there and I thought, damn, I'm such a moron. I felt like I was at a party and not drinking any alcohol.

Most of the time, I'm not a very serious person. I like to laugh a lot and giggle and look at the absurdity of things around me and make fun of it and myself and others.

And I like to drink at parties.

One time I read a book by the Dali Lama and he suggested that the main goal in your life should be about striving to be happy. Of course, his ideas on how to get there involved a lot of thinking and doing right and being a good person and making others happy to make yourself happy and so forth. He doesn't suggest fucking everyone over to get to your happy place. I think it's a good way to go through life.

Anyway.



So, for breakfast yesterday, at 10am, I had a Guinness. RockLobster Frank was riding his bike around pulling a little cart with beer and he stopped and suggested that Guinness was a good "breakfast" beer and that I should have one. So I did. It made him happy to make me happy about breakfast.

And then I washed Morgan's bike a few times for him and did some bike switching, but it was hard holding the beer and trying to switch out bikes. So RockLobster Ryan helped me a bit. And then he gave me a lesson on how to properly wash a bike for a bike switch.

And then I wandered around chatting with people and heckling racers and that made me happy.

And I was happy to help Morgan. And Ryan made me very happy helping me. And he kept saying it was good practice so he know what he was up for later in the day.

And then one of the Santa Cruz guys gave me a hot dog. He tapped me on the shoulder and said, you should have one of these. They go well with Guinness. So I did.



And then after the women raced, the relay started. There were only four teams - DFL, Team Oakland and SCCCC and one other. And of course, there was some cheating by Team Oakland. Morgan and Thomas re-routed the course so that DFL did an extra tiny loopty loop and in that 30 seconds, Oakland was able to slide over the finish line first.



And the whole time, it rained and rained and rained.


And then we went home.

And Now For Some Bat Talk

We learned about bats today.

I'm volunteering to drive on all the field trips now since I'm one of those stay at home ladies now. Although I'm not really a lady according to Lulu. Ladies wear high heeled shoes and lipstick and do their hair up and wear dresses. I'm just a woman she tells me. I just do stuff. Women do stuff and ladies get dressed up.

Today we went to the Oakland Museum to the Bat exhibit.

I felt a little sleepy the whole time. They keep it too dark in there.

Except in the bat cave. Yeah, we went through the bat cave. And we met a bat lady, who has live bats that live at her house. She brought some live bats she'd rescued for us to look at. And they were kind of cute.



On the way back to school, the five kids in my car argued about what a "goth" is. Apparently only teenagers are "goth". And they're mean looking. And you're not supposed to look at them too long or you turn to stone. It was all news to me.

Next week I start swimming. It's been a while since I swam. I swam competitively growing up. But now, well, you know. The most I've swum in the last year is during a few hot summer days during the 10 minute adult swim, while stopping every 2 laps to make sure my kids aren't running wild around the pool.



So recently there was a tri-relay team missing a swimmer, so I volunteered to do the swim leg. Now I need to start building some endurance up for the race in May. I'm thinking it'll be good for the lungs and it'll get rid of my tricep flabbers and it'll be good for the start of the summer bikini season.

Yes, those are my reasons.

The only problem is that I'm blind as a bat without glasses. So when I swim I can't see the walls very well and my flip turns are out of wack. Good thing they have those big black lines in the pool. At least I can go straight.

But really my favorite part is getting in the nice warm steamy water on cold rainy days and just swimming and swimming. I swam for a few days during the last rain storm when I didn't want to ride in the rain, and it felt great. Like a nice long stretch.

This is Your Brain on Crack

I'm sick.

I haven't ridden in three days and I feel like crap and I'm not talking about the cat anymore.

No more cat talk, except for one more thing - that my sister decided she wanted a cat and they went out on Saturday to adopt a cat and went to three different shelters and then apparently when they found the cat they wanted, the lady with the mustache look one look at my sister's two year old kid (and probably the four year old and the seven year old) and said, no, sorry, no cat for you.

And there was crying and stuff.

So then my sister called me when they got home and asked me if I'd go over to the same shelter and adopt the cat. I could hear her husband in the background grumbling about how no one was going to deny him from adopting a cat from that place and how it was the principle of the thing.

My sister whispered into the phone that she didn't even want the damn cat, but it had turned into a "principle" thing.

They wanted me to go down and get the cat for them and pretend I was going to be the owner and adopt it. I said no.

So the next day Bill, my sister's husband, went to a different shelter and adopted a cat by himself. He said it was as it should be. They said, "You want a cat? Great! Here you go." And that was it. And now they're calling him Louis.

Ok, enough about cats.

I sure hope this cold goes away soon. I need to ride my bike.

Just Some Stuff

I rode trails for a few hours today with Danielle. She's visiting from Michigan - staying with some friends in a warmer climate here in Oakland so she can get some good long base miles in. She was fun to hangout with.

She's PRO, Morgan told me before I'd met her. Me too I said, I'm all about PRO fun and stuff.

I'm not looking for a job this week. I've been doing some swim workouts and running a little and riding a little and gardening and drinking gin and tonics and lolly gagging around. Sometimes I stay in my pajamas until 11am. Sometimes I stay up till midnight watching bad tv. And most days I don't even get my kids up to go to school until 8am, when we have to be there by 8:40am.

I'm even driving kids on field trips and stuff.

Ah yes, the life of a temporary stay at home mom. What should I do today? Eat hot pockets and chicken wings? Listen to my iPod on my mtb ride and ride leisurely? Paint my nails? Fall asleep in the back yard lounger chair thing?

Sunday morning I had a HORRIBLE hangover. Just HORRIBLE. I don't think I've had a good hangover like that in a few years. But I couldn't resist. Sometimes you need to do it. Especially when cyclocross is over and you don't really drink much alcohol during the season and you have no job and you don't have to drive that night and the next day is Sunday.

So I did it. And it was fun.

It's like a big purge, because you say lots of inappropriate things to people and then you don't remember, but you feel better because you get it all off your chest - even if you don't remember. Some people fast or eat raw foods or only drink lemonade for a day or go to therapy. But me? I drink a lot of alcohol in a small amount of time and then blah, blah, blah a lot and then the bed spins and then I sweat it out on the bike the next day.

And now, good as new.

But then the next morning, they woke me up with loud music - that song, punk rock girl was played over and over and over again. And then there were kids with their friends walking around the house and marching through my room to the den and the cat was sitting on my head so I couldn't really even enjoy the hangover.

So I asked for cheerios and bananas in bed. And then later I went for a ride, to sweat it out.

Speaking of cats, how come no one told me cats are so easy. All they do is lay around the house and purr and eat and drink. And once in a while do a few laps around the house while doing hops with side kicks.

I keep thinking he's going to do something to me. How can he be so content just laying around the house relaxing? He must have some ulterior motive or something. But so far so good.

And still no name. Although it doesn't seem to matter anyway, because he never comes when you call him. He just looks at us and then walks away.

a cat

We got a cat yesterday.



I haven't had a cat since I was a kid. One year we had like 15 cats running around our house. The first cat, Sonia got pregnant and had kittens and then we gave them all away except for Grey Kitty who then got pregnant and had babies and then we gave most of them away and then Mutli-Colored Kitty got pregnant and so did Orange Kitty and someone else and so on and so on.

Every so often my dad would round some up and take them over the the "lady with the big farm who loved kitties". She would let them all run and run and play on her farm land.

Just the other day my brother told me that there was no farm. Apparently he was in on one of the trips to the shelter.

On that trip to the shelter the worker asked my dad if they were all from the same litter, all 12 of them in varying sizes. He said yes, because it was cheaper that way. But then my brother piped in with the explanation of who was from what litter and who was so and so's mother and brother.

The shelter lady wasn't too happy with my dad. And dad wasn't too happy with my brother.

Anyway, the cat we got yesterday is from a shelter. Apparently he was adopted a few months ago but returned because he was too much of a kitten and too wild. He seems fine to us. He slept all night last night without a peep. And woke up when we all woke up. And he likes to play and he hangs out well.

And now he's following me everywhere. He's like my little assistant.

But the name. I'm not too thrilled with it. The humane society called him Pilgrim. And I want a different name. But nobody likes my names. Hector is apparently an annoying kid in Lulu's class. Elvis is dumb. Pilchard is silly. Rickie is boring. Blah, blah, blah.

Morgan likes the name Dale.

That's the thing about kids, they always want silly little cute names. Not good solid names. But I'm going to call him Hector I think. They can call him whatever they want.

Analyze This

When I first started road racing like four or five years ago or something, I used to write race reports that were all serious and stuff. I wanted to be taken seriously and also analyze my moves and fitness and skills and position and blah, blah, blah.

I think I even used a heart monitor a few times and I knew my zones. But after a few years of writing and racing and analyzing, I realized how much I sucked and how much I hated it so I quit doing it all. And besides none of the guys ever wore skin suits.



But then, last year I discovered cyclocross. And it all made sense, because I'd found my tribe. Although I still kind of suck at the racing and reporting, but now I just don't care as much about sucking ass.

I was thinking that maybe I'd go back to the old format and analyze more. And stuff.

Race: cccx
Date: january 6, 2008
Category: b
Rider: lauren
Field: i don't know. a bunch.
Teammates: none
Placing: can't remember
Series Overall: i think 6th or so

Breakfast: peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a banana, chocolate chip mini cookies.

Warm-up: a few laps or so. fuck warmups, that's what i say. but i did stretch a little bit while i changed my socks.

Pre-race food: half a gu, some beer and some water and some chocolate chip mini cookies.

After-race food: some beers and a turkey sandwich and some chocolate chip mini cookies.

Weather: cloudy and cool, but no rain.

Course: lots of swoopy single track, sandy but no real sandpit and some logs and barriers and hills and run ups and some pavement and some hecklers.



Mood: rock solid

Health: on like tony orlando and dawn

I did a few pre-ride laps and was ready. And then I kept warm before the start by riding around the parking lot. At the start I got a call up, because Kat and Soni and Rita where missing and were probably at the bathroom or something.

The call up was confusing though - because of my name. No one ever pronounces it correctly. Why in the hell is Lauren always so hard to get right? I can understand Haughey, but Lauren?



It went something like this, "Okay, next is, uh, Lara Hugarly". And we all sort of stood around looking at each other. Who the hell is that, we all thought. And then he said again, "Laurie? Heerar..."

It caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting a call up, so I wasn't listening for the miss pronunciation. Usually I'm waiting for it. And it's interesting how people always throw an L into my last name. That little h next to the g really throws people off. You know, the long look of it and stuff.

Anyway, I realized after a bit that that he probably meant me. So I started rolling up and as I'm rolling Keith says LAUREN! aHAHAha, sorry about that.

He started us women folk all together and after the whistle I called out, last one up the hill is a glazed ham!

And then we raced around for 40 minutes or so. My chain fell off once and I got a little out of control on some of the corners and slid out a bit. And of course there was the heckling by the men on the barriers and the run-up.

And that was about it.

And then the camera was dropped into a puddle of water near the porta potties and it stopped working.

Afterwards I met a Laura who told me a story about how they never get her name right either. At the place she gets coffee, she just decided one day to go with it and she became Lauren because that's what they kept calling her. But then someone who knew that her real name was Laura was in there one day and accused her of lying in front of all the Batista's and people in line waiting for their coffees and it was a mess.

Now she goes by Lily.

Morgan's coffee name is Jethro. In the beginning, when they'd call him to come get his coffee, Lulu used to say really loud YOUR NOT JETHRO! And how do you explain to a four year old that it's just your coffee name and to everyone else that you're not stealing Jethro's coffee.

Or sometimes we'd see the Peets lady out and about while we were hanging out with other friends and she'd say oh hey Jethro, how's it going? and everyone would look confused and uncomfortable.

Don't worry, we'd say, that's just his "coffee name". Now we all know who Jethro is.


Lessons Learned:

1) The chocolate chip mini cookies were delish, but I kinda threw up in my mouth a little on that long first hill on the first lap. I shouldn't eat them so close to the start.

2) Stick around long enough and you'll get to see one of the (A) men's bare ass as he's changing out of his skinsuit.

3) (A) men have nice asses.


4) Some people bring TVs to watch to cyclocross races.




All in all (I think I remember ending all my race reports that way, with all-in-all), a five star day.

I'm Just Saying

Today's like the 4th or something, isn't it?

I'm losin' track.

Our garage is flooding. Our windows are leaking. And I'm tired of playdates. No more playdates at our house. I think that might be a new rule for a few weeks. God damn kids. When the hell does school start again. I'm too old for this.

On New Years eve we didn't go anywhere or do anything. We watched the ball drop in NY city at 9pm so the kids could toast their sparkling apple cider and then sent them to bed.

Morgan and I stayed up until Midnight, so that he could try and get into sswco8. He filled out the form and the walked around and mumbled for a while and then walked over to the computer at 2 minutes till and said something about how he was ready to hit submit and send it.



It's too early, I said.
They'll toss it away.

No, it's midnight right now, he said.
No it's not I said.
You have one minute left.
No he said, I'm doing it.
I wouldn't do it yet, I said. All I'm saying is...
I sent it, he said.

I knew it was early, because my watch runs two minutes fast and it said 12:01. So I knew it was only 11:59. And my watch is EXACTLY two minutes fast, timed to the second.

So he sent it a minute too early according to my watch. And today he got the denial, that he was too early.

He can try again next year.